Plot Details: This Review Reveals Minor Details About the Plot.
The thunder buddies are back.
Plot Overview
So Theodore Roosevelt was hunting one day in Mississippi when his party corralled a small mangy bear and secured it to a tree, giving Teddy the honor of killing it. He got it in his sights but turned away not having the heart to shoot the poor beast—instead, his hunting guide dispatched it with his knife. The press trumpeted this act of kindness, and then came the political cartoons. Toy companies capitalized on this fad by manufacturing Teddy Bears. The fad stuck and now they're in every toy store.
In the original movie “Ted” (2012), young friendless John Bennett grew attached to his teddy bear and wished for it to come alive, a powerful wish that was granted, w/ resulting media attention, Theodore's thunder reprised. The movie ended with John (Mark Wahlberg) getting hitched to his hot girlfriend Lori Collins who'd learned to accept Ted.
“Ted 2” takes up with some narration. John and Lori were divorced five years later. Six months after their divorce Ted (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) is getting married to his longtime girlfriend Tami-Lynn McCafferty (Jessica Barth) in the same Boston church as the other couple, in a civil ceremony presided over by the same official “Flash Gordon” actor Sam Jones (“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”) There's a gala celebration, Ted at the head of it in a tux.
One year later we see them in the kitchen snipping at each other, Ted wearing a wifebeater. John suggests, “Have you guys at least tried marriage therapy?” A fellow employee where they work suggests having a baby. Ted and Tami get on board (“Let's make a baby”) but having anatomical problems they opt to adopt. That brings Ted to the attention of the state. Until now he'd been below their radar. He's served notice, “Ted, in the eyes of the state, you are not a person.” Ted with the pro bono help of Arizona State grad, newly minted lawyer Samantha L. Jackson (Amanda Seyfried), takes Massachusetts to court ("Talking Teddy Bear Sues For Personhood.")
Meanwhile Hasbro janitor Donny (Giovanni Ribisi) persuades his boss to retain their best lawyer to thwart these ragamuffins so they can snatch Ted without repercussions (“Technically, you are classified as property”) and “cut him open” to find out what makes him tick. Then they can mass produce Teds to make a fortune. I'm afraid that like the original bear, his life given by a wish will be cut short by a sharp blade.
Ideology
“Ted 2” starts off with an aerial shot from outer space zooming down on the New England coastline ending up “back in that church again” where a wedding is taking place. Until the camera gets down there, it could have been any historical period involving New England, and in fact the market where Ted and Tami-Lynn work is the actual Bay Colony store in Boston. As any colonial history will tell you, as for example cultural historian Mary Farrell Bednarowski: “The English Puritans … came to Massachusetts Bay (Boston) in 1630 to found a new society, free from what they considered the corruptions of church and state left over in Europe from medieval times” (18). We're dealing with the Puritan influence on our culture, especially w.r.t. marriage.
I'll start by quoting Dr. Ide: “The Contemporary Christian standard [for marriage] was defined not by the bible but generated by Roman law as defined by the jurist Modestinus who argued that marriage was ‘consortium omnis vitae, divini et humani iuris communicatio: a life-long partnership, and a sharing of civil and religious rights’” (83–5). The civil rights are presided over by the state, and the religious rights by the church. What about Massachusetts influenced by its Puritans? According to cultural historian David Hackett Fischer, the Puritans had “a cultural idea of marriage that was unique to the Puritan colonies. … The Puritans of New England rejected all the Anglican ideas. They believed that marriage was not a religious but a civil contract” (77).
The weddings in “Ted” and “Ted 2” take place in a big cathedral but are officiated by a “special Justice of the Peace.” Since their religion based culture treats marriage as but a civil contract, they'd have no more qualms allowing same-sex marriage, for instance, than would other religion/cultures allowing civil unions. According to Fischer the Puritans regarded marriage not so much as a sacred institution, but rather as providing a family context where its members could socially live out the grace of God. It was expected that Puritans would marry. The unwed determined to remain single were even compelled to live with families to keep them out of trouble. It should be no surprise then to see Ted welcomed to live with a newlywed couple in the first “Ted.” In “Ted 2” there is no Vatican intervention, say, into his personhood.
The Puritans had strictures against "gay apparel" so when at the wedding we meet Guy (Patrick Warburton) and “my new boyfriend Rick” (Michael Dorn) one of them sporting a purple tie and the other a pink carnation, we can project a Puritan disapproval on their colorful attire, not to mention their gay lifestyle—a capital offense in the Puritan colonies. Here I used the word gay in two of its different senses, but in the first “Ted” movie gay was spoken in another sense of stupid and off the wall, which jokes are carried throughout both pictures. Finally, the celebration is such a gala affair that we could call the wedding joyous, or gay for that matter, in the sense of, (Isaiah 62:5) “the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride.”
Whereas at the wedding they did a dance number to, “Steppin'
Out With My Baby,” it seems Ted neglected the happy
times in the following year as he should have followed, (Eccl. 9:9) “Live joyfully
with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of thy life.” He
should have been steppin' out with his baby more often, then they
wouldn't have to have a baby to make their married life happy. The word gay has different senses that are tending
to get superseded by the homo one, but when homosexuality
is extended to the dyad "gay marriage," it takes away a verbal reference
for heteros to find happiness by in their marriages.
“Ted 2” carries some suggestions for what Ted calls
“faggots homos” to use instead of "gay
marriage" for themselves. The gay couple at Ted's wedding were
“about to tie the knot.” Later in the movie every inch
of a rope is needed to move a car, including, we suppose, the fag
end of it. We'd be using consistent metaphors to speak of "fags tying
the knot" rather than of the conflicted "gay marriage."
The “Ted” decision on whether he is a person or just property is compared to the infamous Dred Scott decision in which the Court declared this slave to be but property (“same case wearing a different face.”) These were not, however conflated with gay rights issues as gays however maligned have always been persons, persons who can pass as straight if they put their minds to it, unlike blacks who cannot pass as “white niggers.” Instead, the queers are compared to nerds who can remain undisclosed until they get to the Comic-Con at the Javits Center in New York where they become targets as did the queers at Stonewall circa 1970, which started the gay rights movement. In this movie it's a pair of gays who are bullying the nerds. The most interesting scene in the whole movie is where Liam Neeson—whose daughter we've seen get “Taken”, “Taken 2”, and “Taken 3”—furtively comes up to Ted in the store where he clerks and engages him in the following conversation:
Customer: “Hey.”
Ted: “Hello.”
Customer: “I have to … I have to ask a few questions
about this breakfast cereal.”
Ted: “Uhhh … Yeah, yeah. Box of Trix.”
Customer: “Yeah, that's right. I've been led to understand that
Trix are exclusively for children. Is that correct?”
Ted: “Well … I mean they say ‘Trix are for kids’
in the commercials b—”
Customer: “Aha, aha. Now, is that enforced by law?”
Ted: “Uh, not to my knowledge. No.”
Customer: “So if I purchase these Trix, there'll be no
trouble?”
Ted: “No. No. You should be fine.”
Customer: “You do understand that I myself am not a child?”
Ted: “I was able to sniff that out, yeah.”
Customer: “Okay, I'm going to bring these back to my
apartment.”
Ted: “Yeah, yeah. You'll be okay.”
Customer: “And … I won't be followed?”
Ted: “No, uh … that's not in our budget here.”
Customer: “Hey, I won't forget what you've done for me here
today.”
Ted: “I would prefer that you do. Jesus Christ.”
Trix™ provides the parallel to gay and lesbian rights w.r.t. marriage. ‘Trix are
for kids’ 
marriage being
for heterosexual couples, i.e.
between one man and one woman. So reads the cereal box and so reads
now the state constitutions from one end of the U.S. to the other, with the exception of some New
England states (with NY &
D.C.) Furthermore,
the box of cereal and the state constitution are property, we do own
our constitutions. Thanks, however, to the Bay Colony (where
Ted works) the Puritan culture has made the ban against gay and lesbian
marriages unenforceable by law. I think they'd rather we just
forget it. Or if you're curious, you can stick around until after
the credits to see what happens.
Production Values
This film “” (2015) was released on June 26, 2015, the same day the Supreme Court ruled against states' bans on gay and lesbian marriage, which many lower courts had already done, leaving it on the books but unenforceable. This timely movie was directed by Seth MacFarlane. It's a sequel to 2012's hit comedy “Ted”. “Ted 2” was written by Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild. It stars Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane (voice), and Amanda Seyfried. There's real chemistry between Mark and Seth. Seyfried contributes just enough personality to sustain her supporting role. The show stealer was Giovanni Ribisi as the awkward misfit Donny. Teddy bear Ted (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) seemed like to be real thanks to motion capture technology.
MPAA rated it R for crude and sexual content, pervasive language, and some drug use. It was filmed on location in Boston, Massachusetts, USA. Since this movie's the creation of the man responsible for TV's “Family Guy”, it's replete with pop culture and historical references, including songs, TV shows and movies spanning several decades, with a key scene at a New York City Comic-Con, featuring some scrum dressed as their favorite comic book or sci-fi personalities. And the scene after the end credits is not to be missed.
Review Conclusion w/ Christian Recommendation
There's a story told of the village of Tridville situated on the lee of a mountain inhabited by a giant who would periodically come down and kick the Trids. A rabbi hearing of this matter climbed the mountain to investigate. The giant ignored him, but when some Trids came by, he started kicking them. The rabbi protested, “Why don't you kick me instead?” to which the giant replied, “Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids.”
The movie ends by pulling back into space via the song “Mean Ol' Moon.” Its overall arc seems to be to lump together Ted/Dred/rebbe to show that since blacks are no longer property, then geeks/fags/Trids will have likewise gained respect. Stay for the scene after the end credits to see how that worked out.
I thought the original “Ted” was funny, but this one is even funnier. It's highbrow wit concealed behind lowbrow buffoonery that's funny in its own right. This one's a lot of laughs.
Movie Ratings
Action factor: Well done action flick. Suitability For Children: Not Suitable for Children of Any Age. Special effects: Great special effects. Video Occasion: Fit For a Friday Evening. Suspense: Keeps you on the edge of your seat. Overall product rating: Five stars out of five.
Works Cited
Scripture taken from the King James Version. Pub. 1611, rev. 1769. Software.
Bednarowski, Mary Farrell. American Religion. Englewood Cliffs: Prentice-Hall, 1984. Print.
Fischer, David Hackett. Albion's
Seed: Four British Folkways in America.
New York: Oxford UP,
1989. Print, WEB.
Ide, Arthur Frederick. Noah & the Ark: The Influence of Sex,
Homophobia and Heterosexism in the Flood Story and
its Writing.
Las Colinas: Monument Press, 1992. Print.
bibles.n7nz.org