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For the first time since our marriage, he was distant, and he
wanted to walk alone to think and pray. I was hurt a little bit, because
I wanted to be a part of everything that happened to him. But in this
I was feeling shut out, maybe. I knew that there are places in the
life of a holy man that even his wife may not go with him. Yet this
was my first experience with it, and I was hurt. We had been so close,
always.
I went to talk to Rain, who was the wife of
Singing Wolf. They were the grandparents of my husband, you know.
We lived with them after our marriage, while Wolf Pup learned the
ways of the holy man. And while I, of course, learned the ways of
the holy man's wife. Ah, Rain was a help to me! She knew and understood
the problems, not only of a holy man's wife, but of any young wife.
I still miss her counsel, though both are gone many seasons now. ...
But I will continue the story.
I went to Rain and told her of my hurt. Always
before we had shared our joys and sorrows, Pup and I. I felt that
I was losing him, and to what I did not know.
"Yes, Otter," this wonderful old lady said,
"I know. It is the way of men, sometimes. Especially men such as ours,
who have been given gifts of the spirit."
"But he is troubled, and I cannot help him,"
I told her.
"Yes, you can, child," Rain told me.
"But how, Grandmother?"
"Well, one thing is to let him be alone to
think. He needs that right now. He is working with a problem and needs
to listen to whatever guidance he may be trying to receive. So just
be patient, but do not ask him to explain."
"You said that is one way, Grandmother. There
are others?"
"Of course. One other, anyway." Rain's old
eyes twinkled as she told me this. "Even with his problems, he is
still a man. And you are a woman. Quite a woman, I am made to think,"
she teased me. "You can distract him sometimes. I know this."
We had lived in their lodge. ... Yes, I said that before. But she
went on: "You will know when, in the privacy of your lodge. You can
do much to help him, but do not push him too hard. Let it
happen. ..."
...
When Pup finally had the experience that led
to his decision, it was very hard for me. He must go, he said, on
a quest to the north. He did not know where or why. Now, even though
I already knew that the wife of a holy man must make many sacrifices,
I was not prepared for this. Yes, I was angry, and I felt abandoned.
we had been married only a few moons ... less than a full season.
I sought the advice of Rain again.
"I have failed," I told her. "He is leaving
me!"
"Nonsense, child," the old woman said. "It
has nothing to do with you."
"Then why ...?"
"It is a call. Something he must do. That
is all."
"But how can I ... Rain, I cannot move our
lodge alone when the band goes to the Sun Dance, and to the summer
camp. I need him."
"Yes, child, and for other things, too. I
know. I could tell you ... Now, Look! Others could help with your
lodge. Your brothers, the family of your husband. But maybe there
is a better way."
"What is that, Grandmother?"
I realized that Rain was studying my body.
Especially my belly.
"You are not with child yet?" she asked.
"No ... we have been married only ..."
The old woman waved a hand to stop me.
"It is not that," she said bluntly, "but if
you were, it might make a difference."
"What difference? I do not understand."
"All the difference, child. If you were pregnant,
it would be a bigger responsibility for him. Since you are not, it
is no matter."
"Then what ...?"
"Go with him, child! Go on the quest with
him!"
Now, I had not even thought of that. You know
that among the People it is not unusual for a young wife, before they
have children, to hunt with her husband. Girls learn the use of weapons
in the Rabbit Society with the boys. There are even young women who
go on war parties sometimes. But I had not even thought of this.
"Do you think that he would let me go with
him?" I asked.
"I am made to think," Rain chuckled, with
the twinkle in her eye, "that you can convince him."
And it was so. We planned it carefully. At
first no talk of that possibility. Only mention, at carefully chosen
intimate moments, of how I would miss him. Then
playful teasing, a mock refusal of activity in the robes. I told him
how much he would miss me, and that he must learn to do without
me. Of course I did not carry through with that threat, but it made
him think.
"Your lodge and your bed," Rain told me, "must
look to him like the most desirable place in the world."
That, I must admit, was not difficult, because
he already thought so. But what if I had pouted and been angry about
his leaving? Ah, you see? Rain and I continued to plan.
Our object, mine and Rain's, was to make Pipe
Bearer believe that it was his idea for me to go along. That is one
of the ways of women of the People, to make our men feel so. A way
of all women, maybe, but I cannot speak for all. ...
We had only a few days to plan, while the
two holy men, my husband and his grandfather, planned the quest. It
was necessary for him to decide what to take, how many horses, such
things as that.
...
Well, it was as Otter has
said. I was preparing to portray a trader as I traveled north. I would
take a horse to ride, and a pack horse, with what pretended to be
trade goods....
But there was a problem. I had been tormented
from the first about whether to take the foal who wore the medicine
hat. To try to inquire about such a horse, to ask people who speak
different tongues, would be difficult. Especially in hand signs. Can
you imagine trying to ask about a horse wearing a fur hat ...? Well,
you see!
It would then be much more effective to have
the colt along. Imagine again ... I could lead the animal into a camp
or village and watch the people for a reaction or recognition. Let
them ask the questions. Or if there were none, I could then
inquire. Hand signs would be simple. ...
But now rose other problems. To take a nursing
foal meant to take his mother. I could ride the mare but did not want
to do so for a number of reasons. My size and weight, of course. The
roan could handle that, but it would be hard on her, and I wanted
her in the best condition to feed the foal.
...
I talked of this with Singing Wolf, who sat, silently lost in thought
as he usually did while he pondered a problem. He half closed his
eyes. Finally he nodded slightly and spoke.
"I am made to think you should take him with
you."
I had already realized that, of course, and
said so. My grandfather nodded again.
"I know," he said. "Let me think on this,
Pup."
This time he was quiet for so long that I
thought he was asleep, with his eyes squinted, half-closed, you know.
But finally he moved, cleared his throat, and spoke.
"Let us sleep on it."
Naturally, I was disappointed. I had sought
my answer right then, while we talked. He saw my disappointment.
"You are still too impatient, Pup," he said.
Then he rose and walked away, stooping to
enter his lodge. I was irritated and did not sleep well that night.
But next morning, before I had even left the
robes, Singing Wolf was at our door, shaking the door rattle and calling
my name. And, yes, he actually said, "Pipe Bearer."
"A moment, Grandfather," I called, scrambling
up. One does not keep an elder waiting.
I ducked through the doorway and stood in
the chill morning air, still trying to come awake.
"I am made to think," Singing Wolf said, "that
I know how to solve your question."
His eyes were shining, and I could tell that
he was excited. Almost like a child at the Sun Dance.
"How? What?" I stammered.
"You should take Otter Woman with you!"
"What?"
"Of course. Think about it. You ride any horse
you like, and lead a pack horse. Let Otter ride the mare, and the
foal will follow.
"But ... Grandfather, I had not thought to
take Otter with me. There may be danger."
"Of course. There may be danger here, too.
But you will be together. And think, Pup: How many traders have you
ever seen who travel without a wife? Sometimes more than
one wife. It will help to give the idea that you are a trader, no?"
Now, I was having a hard time grasping all
of this. I was still half-asleep. I did not know at the time, of course,
that this was part of a plan. Otter and my Grandmother had waited
for the right moment, when the question would arise. They knew that
Singing Wolf always talked over his problems with Rain. So they had
planned and waited.
When Singing Wolf had been wrestling with
this problem of mine, my grandmother had watched, waited, and finally
inquired. He explained the dilemma that I faced. Rain then seemed
to ponder a long time and finally suggested that he take someone to
help with the horses. This seemed like a good idea, but who?
You realize that I knew nothing of this until
much later. I learned the whole story from Otter.
"Who could go with him?" my grandmother pondered.
"A person of smaller weight could ride the mare. One of the young
men, maybe? Aiee, mostly the traders who stop with us have
a helper, no?"
"Yes. Usually it is his wife," Singing Wolf
answered.
Then, according to Rain's story, the eyes
of Singing Wolf grew big and round. This big ... He let out an
exclamation.
"Aiee! Of course! I should have seen
it sooner. Otter can go with him, Rain! She will make a believable
trader's wife." --Don Coldsmith,
Medicine Hat275
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